A DIFFICULT PATIENT
Today I had an appointment with my primary care physician. In addition to regular checks & labs the male triage assistant gave me a cognitive test. My first one.
I heard him say: “I’m going to give you a Glock.”
Me: “A Glock?”
He: “A clock.”
Me: “You better check my hearing, too.”
He asked me to fill in the clock numbers on a blank circle which I did easily. After all I taught Kindergarten and preschool for decades. Then I decided to show off and drew the hands on the clock for the time of 3:00.
He: “Oh, no! I’m supposed to ask you to draw the hands of the clock for 10 minutes after 11 o’clock.”
I drew the hands for 11:10. He crossed out my original 3:00 drawing and wrote a note on the paper so whomever judges my cognitive ability will understand I actually got it right but jumped the gun before instructions were given.
Me: “Could you give this cognitive test to Joe Biden and a Gen Z-er? I’m pretty sure neither could draw or read a clock unless it was digital.”
He: “No comment.”
He: “I’m going to give you three words and you repeat them back to me: River. Nation. Finger.”
Me: “River. Nation. Finger.”
He: “Good.”
We talked. I thought the test was over. He closed my file.
He: “Now what were those three words?”
Me: “Finger. Nation…and I can’t remember the other.”
I’m thinking, “Shit.”
He opened my file and wrote something. Whatever he wrote - it’s now on my permanent medical record.
Immediately I remembered the Seinfeld episode (A DIFFICULT PATIENT) where Elaine spied on her own medical chart and discovered a note saying she was a difficult patient. Her doc said she shouldn’t have read her medical chart.
This isn’t a sit-com. It’s my life and the rules have changed. I have every right to see what’s on my medical chart. Mine says I couldn’t remember RIVER.
Mary Marcia L. Norwood
Author & Storyteller
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